Self-worth: My Beauty is a “Curse”

Assalamualaikum Mr. Aiman Azlan.

I’ve recently followed your blog since my friend forwarded a post you made that related to my experience. If possible, I’d like to inquire your help with my current situation, and first and foremost, I am grateful for it.

I am a 22-year old female. People say I have a fairly nice-looking physical appearance, but for me it is a curse. You see, because of this face, it attracts so many unwanted attentions and because of my previously failed relationships, I figured that people liked to see what this face have rather than what lies beyond just a face. And because of this face, I developed a fear of commitment and a fear of falling in love. I became insecure and prejudiced every time a man confesses his love for me.

I know this is a negative mindset but I really don’t know what to do anymore.

Thank you for your help.


Waalaikumussalam warahmatullah.

Thank you for your honest confession.

I think you have identified your problem when you said “negative mindset”. Negative things happened to all of us, and each of us face different negative things. We all have our battles. I have mine, you have yours, and others have theirs. Your battle is your beauty.

But at the same time, your blessing is your beauty as well. Allah gave you a beautiful face and you should be grateful for it. At the same time, you should realize that humans are innately attracted to beautiful things. Just like what Prophet Yusuf faced during his time.

Prophet Yusuf was a very handsome man and people were attracted to his handsomeness. But he didn’t find his beauty a curse, but he did see it as a test from Allah. If he passed, he knows that he will have a better relationship with Allah in the long run. That should be your goal as well, to have a better relationship with Allah, by facing this test and not running away from it.

I speak for all men when I say that we are attracted to beautiful women (Sidenote: just like women are attracted to beautiful men). But I wouldn’t that is our curse – that is our test. We as men shouldn’t let our affection for beauty cloud our better judgment. That is why the Prophet advised men to prefer a women with Deen than a woman with only a beautiful face. Because in the long run, the Deen will help you get to Jannah, not the beautiful face. But that is our test as men.

Your test, as a beautiful woman, is to not let your beauty define you.

Yes, people will look at your beauty but don’t let their preference for your beauty stops you. You should prove that you have much more to offer than a pretty face, and I believe you do. Don’t think too much about your beauty, and definitely I hope that you don’t obsess yourself over it. Because beauty will fade, whether we like it or not. Beauty will fade, even if we take very good care of it. It is the nature of beauty. But if we take good care of our Deen, Insha Allah it will not fade.

I think that should be your main focus. In fact, that should be our main focus.

I believe that you have more to offer than superficial beauty. It is a shame that so many of us can’t see you beyond what is on the outside, beyond what is only skin deep.

Work on your relationship with Allah and work on developing your full potential so that you may realize it in service of your community. Focus on that, because at the end of the day, Allah looks at what is inside of you. Not what is outside.

May Allah grant you strength and may Allah surround you with good company who will help you get closer to Him. Ameen.