How to Handle Arguments in a Relationship?

“My partner keeps on doing things I don’t like, even after I have voiced it out. What should I do?”

Arguments is a normal thing in a marriage. But you need to know how to disagree like adults, not like children. Meaning, we go back to the key: communication. You can’t avoid arguments; that’s part of the marriage package. But you can deal with them properly and maturely with good communication skills. That includes how you communicate with yourself. 

You gotta get your ego under control. Ego can destroy a marriage.

There are 2 types of disagreements: major and minor. 

Major disagreements are when you are disagreeing on fundamental issues related to your principles. These are deal breakers, meaning that if he/she disagrees, then you won’t pursue the relationship. For example, the person doesn’t pray and that contradicts your principles. So, you decided to not pursue it. No tolerance for things like that. Major disagreements are not many, because in Islam, things that are qat’i (clear in nature without any room for other interpretations) are relatively few. 

Minor disagreements are when you disagree on matters that bother you but you can still live with it. These make up more of our lives than you think, because of the nature of our diversity as humans. For example, disagreements about how to organize the house. It’s bothersome, but it’s minor. It’s not worth destroying the relationship over something minor like that.

You need to learn to differentiate the disagreements and to navigate them properly with good communication skills and confidence in your principles.

It’s hard when emotions clash with principles. Intellectually, you know that it’s a major disagreement and there’s no toleration about it. But emotionally, you’re thinking “Aku sayang dia. Bagi la dia satu lagi peluang.” That’s a big challenge before marriage and even in marriage itself. 

But you have to be clear about what you stand for and then protect it with confidence and maturity.