How to Deal with Jealousy in a Relationship?

“My partner-to-be is very jealous. She doesn’t want me to talk to any other women, ever. How do I deal with that?”

When it comes to jealousy, you need to have 3 important elements: security, sensitivity, and trust.

Security is for the person who experiences the jealousy. He/She needs to first develop a sense of security within himself/herself with or without his/her partner. Build self-confidence in yourself first and it is your personal responsibility to do that.

You can’t and shouldn’t outsource your self-confidence to anyone, not even your partner. Having this security and self-confidence can protect you from being over-jealous and paranoid of your partner.

Sensitivity is for the person who triggers the jealousy in his/her partner. He/She needs to be sensitive to the partner’s feelings and know how to conduct himself/herself properly with the opposite gender, especially when he/she knows that his/her partner is the jealous type.

You can still interact with the opposite gender (you can’t isolate yourself completely from the opposite gender, that’s not realistic), but be extra sensitive about your partner’s feelings. Sometimes your partner doesn’t say it outright, but you have to have the extra sensitivity to detect what your partner is feeling. It’s called emotional listening.

For example, I as a public figure meets with fans from both genders. Sometimes they want to take pictures with me. Although I discussed it with my wife about me taking pictures with female fans and she says she’s okay with it, I am still careful when taking pictures with female fans. I don’t go overly friendly with female fans as I am with male fans.

Alhamdulillah, my wife is a secure person and she’s not paranoid. But that doesn’t give me the free pass to be overly social with the opposite gender. Always maintain a level of sensitivity towards your partner’s feelings. Always.

Lastly is trust. This is something you need between you and your partner. The relationship cannot work if you don’t trust each other. You can’t watch what your partner is doing 24/7, so trust needs to be there. Otherwise, how are you going to make it work?


AIMAN AZLAN
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